I never expected any of this from the Christian community. I’ll be honest. I grew up in a Black church and never associated with a multi-ethnic church culture until after I graduated from college and became more immersed with other global ministries and the online Christian community. (For context, most of my interaction with the Christian community at large is online and that’s where I have drawn these conclusions from).

Here’s what I’m used to: silence.

Okay, so you either feel excited to read this post, or you’re feeling like, “Oh, look. There’s that word ‘calling’ again. Yippee.,” in the most sarcastic tone in your head.

I used to be the latter. For various reasons.

As a child, I dealt with feelings of worthlessness and purposelessness. Due to varying degrees of trauma, I wrestled with feeling worthy of life at all, let alone a calling to fulfill. I struggled with knowing what it was I wanted to do with my life, what I was even good at or gifted in, and whether or not the things I wanted were the things that God wanted for me.

I used to get really frustrated when I heard (or read) the phrase, “do not be afraid,” in the Bible.

It just felt so….impossible.

We’ve all felt afraid before. We’ve all been in minor situations that are fearful, like that giant spider in your kitchen (sorry for the visual), and we’ve all been in major situations that are fearful, like a scary diagnosis, job loss, or other uncertainties.