How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays (so you can protect your peace AND your joy)
This is something we don’t talk about a lot.
But, we should.
Boundaries and the holidays. Think about it - when have you ever really thought about setting boundaries during the holiday season? Did you even realize that boundaries are necessary during the holidays? Did you realize that you’re ALLOWED to set boundaries during the holidays?
I’ve got you thinking, don’t I?
We all know that the holiday season is supposed to be a time of peace, joy, and family. They are the highly anticipated “most wonderful time of the year.” And, right now, as I’m writing this, I think we’re all anticipating this holiday season a little more than usual as we’re coming up on 10 months of social isolation due to a global pandemic. (This can be good anticipation or bad anticipation depending on how you’re feeling and that’s perfectly okay.)
Global pandemic or not, the holiday season is typically one of the most highly anticipated, joyful, and exciting times of the year, but that joy can quickly fade when we expectations aren’t met, we’re obsessed with perfectionism, boundaries are crossed, and more. And, as moms, the pressure on us tends to be the highest during this time. From getting presents for all of the pre-school teachers to monitoring your kids’ holiday expectations to a family member saying an unwelcome comment, all of a sudden the holidays can go from exciting to dreadful and even painful.
While we can’t prevent everything from happening that may press our buttons, we can set some boundaries that will help us protect our peace and set limitations for what we will allow and won’t allow. In short, you do have some control, mama. You don’t have to overexert yourself. You don’t have to fill our plate with more than you can handle and say yes to everyone. You don’t have to allow a family member to cross a line and ruin your Christmas dinner. You can set boundaries. You are worthy of that.
In this episode of the Mission Motherhood Podcast, we’re talking all about the different types of boundaries to set and HOW to go about setting those boundaries. I’ll be giving you some key questions to ask yourself that will help you determine what boundaries are necessary. You will also learn how to work with your spouse to make sure you all are on the same page so that things can run smoothly and you all can enjoy each other without too much conflict.
Questions to Ask Yourself When Setting Boundaries
Boundaries With Your Spouse
Boundaries With Your Immediate family/kids
What are the parameters you want to set around gifts? How will you communicate that to your kids?
Are you traveling for the holidays? If so, how will you handle various rules and routines while traveling?
What parameters do you want to set around food for your kids? Do you need to prepare anything for kids with food allergies or sensitivities so they have something to enjoy in case there are no other options when you’re traveling or visiting relatives?
What else comes to mind in the ‘kids’ category?
Boundaries With Your Extended family
What are your triggers with your extended family? What are certain words, phrases, questions, or circumstances that really upset you? These are the things you need to set boundaries around
What is your default behavior when around your family? Do you go into people-pleasing-mode? Do you go into snippy-mode? What tends to be your defense mechanism when you feel overwhelmed or triggered by your relatives? This is where you need to have a plan in place. Recognize what happens so that you can be aware of yourself, become aware of your surroundings, and recognize that you have been triggered, and then make your plan for not letting the situation go any further.
What boundaries do you want to enforce between your kids and your family members? What do you need to prepare in order to reinforce those boundaries?
Boundaries With Food
What is your current relationship with food and how do you want to make sure to protect your relationship with food during the holidays?
Do you have any dietary restrictions that need to be maintained? If so, how will you maintain them?
Do you suspect family members to question your dietary choices? If so, how can you prepare to protect your energy around these questions?
How will you honor your body during the holidays? How will you have grace with yourself? How will you commit to no guilt no matter what happens around food during this holiday season?
Boundaries With Social Media
What is your relationship with social media?
How do you tend to respond when social media triggers you?
How do you want to feel about social media during the holidays?
Boundaries With Outings/Events (especially with COVID)
What is important to you in regards to your time and energy during the holidays?
What is important to your spouse and your family as a whole?
What are your COVID boundaries? How do you plan to make sure you stick to them even if someone gives you a hard time?
Boundaries With Your Finances
Giving in joy vs giving out of obligation?
Where do you feel guilt in this area?
What is your budget? Remove shame around your budget and stick to it confidently.
Are you believing God to supply your needs according to His riches and glory?
Boundaries With Yourself
Where do you tend to overdo it?
What are your priorities?
What is your why?
What do you need to say no to? What do you need to say yes to?
While I listed the questions here for you, I encourage you to listen to the episode so that you can hear the advice and suggestions around each question in each boundary category. Tuck these questions away and make sure to re-visit them every year.
Happy holidays, mama!
Featured in this episode:
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