10 Ways to Keep Your Marriage First When You’re in a New Season of Motherhood

New motherhood. We all know its hard. We all know it’s messy. We all know its sleep deprived, emotional, beautiful, stressful, and more. 

There are plenty of articles and blog posts out there that talk about all of the above. From taking care of your lady-bits to your mental health, to getting your tiny one to sleep and loving your new mom-bod, tips and tricks about all of the above are just one click away on a Pinterest or Google search. 

However, one thing that is not talked about a lot is how the season of new motherhood affects marriage, and how in the world to keep it first during a time that feels nearly impossible. 

I mean, how are you supposed to prioritize marriage when the baby won’t even sleep and you can’t catch a break? 

Truth is, it will look very different for a while. 

You’re in a season where your breasts are probably on display if you’re breastfeeding, baby is attached to you 24/7 because they’re in their 4th trimester, you’re healing from your delivery, and you can’t tell what day of the week it is and when you last had a shower. 

Intimacy is also out of the question due to everything stated above. 

So, in all seriousness, what do you do to keep your marriage a priority during this huge transition while you’re still finding your new normal?

Find a new show to binge watch on Netflix together 

Date nights may be impossible right now, but you can still be intentional with those late nights and early mornings with your hub. Next time you send hub to the store, tell him to pick up some popcorn, ice cream and cookies so you can have a movie night in. Hold hands in bed, cuddle the baby, and eat some ice cream because you deserve it. 

Write encouraging notes to your hubby 

Let’s be real, sometimes dad can be forgotten about. However, they’re going through a huge transition as well, and they’re holding it down while we focus on healing our bodies and nourishing our babies. Husbands need to be lifted and encouraged just as much as wives do. They need to be affirmed that they’re doing a good job, that they’re seen, heard and important. A little note of encouragement that shows your husband that you see him and appreciate him can make all the difference in the world. 

Find other ways to be intimate 

No need to be embarrassed with this one. The baby only got here one way, after all! While sex is off the table for several weeks, that doesn’t mean intimacy needs to be. God gave you hands! Use them! Intimacy is still just as important as it was before delivery.

Communicate, communicate, communicate 

If you need something for your husband, communicate that! Communicate openly and honestly. It’s actually very difficult for husbands to anticipate our needs, especially postpartum. And, believe it or not, they just don’t hear the babies like we do in the middle of the night. It’s not their fault! It’s just how they’re wired. So, if you’re waking to feed the baby in the middle of the night and you need help, communicate that. Don’t wait for your husband to magically know what you need. You’ll end up very frustrated if you go that route. Have grace towards your husband. He’s honestly doing the best he can. He’s not mom, so his best won’t look like your best. 

Also, don’t forget to ask your husband to communicate with you. Ask him how he’s feeling and acknowledge it. If he says he’s tired, don’t scoff at him. He may be getting more sleep than you, but he’s still human, which means he’s still allowed to be tired. (Crazy, I know!) 

Remember, men just want to be seen and heard, just like we do. 

Get out of the house 

With the baby of course. Your body is healing and it may be a few days since you last showered, but fresh air is necessary for everyone. Baby included. Go for a family walk and hold hands. Grab some coffee and gaze at each other’s eyes while baby sleeps in the stroller. Go walk around Target together and treat yourself to something you’ve both had your eye on. Find ways to make the ordinary parts life fun and exciting. You get to do them with your best friend after all. 

Go to church 

As soon as you feel well enough, start going back to church. Yes, it will be hard to get out of the house. Yes, it will take longer than you expected and you will likely be late. But, it’s so important to surround yourself with your church family, worship, and let yourself be loved on and prayed for. Our spirits need to be filled in order to pour into each other and into our kids. 

Continue spending time in the Word 

Even if it’s just for five minutes on your Bible app, or you listen to an audio Bible. I know, it’s hard to find time to shower, let alone read the Word, during this crazy season and the devil wants to take advantage of this vulnerable time. We need to Word even more when we’re in seasons of chaos like new motherhood, yet these seasons seem to be when we read our Bibles the least (raising both hands here because it’s me). I totally get it. It’s hard. But, that is why we need our Lord. We need His sweet embrace. We need His direction. We need the Holy Spirit to fill us up so we actually have something to pour from. 

Just five minutes mama. Start with just five minutes and watch everything transform. 

Speak your spouse’s love language 

What way does your spouse love to be loved? Is he a words of affirmation guy? Be intentional with speaking life into him. Is he a gifts guy? Order him a little gift on Amazon. Acts of service? Make his toast and coffee one morning when the baby is asleep. I guarantee this will spark something in him and he will begin speaking your love language, too.

Don’t forget to say “I love you”

Sounds cliche, but it’s true. I can’t tell you how many times I have realized that I have not said “I love you” to my husband and the day is almost over. If he’s not home, text it! It will make his day and encourage him to do the same. 

Remember that your marriage comes first

This is an easy one to forget - especially in the newborn season. I know you’re tired mama. Emotions are real Postpartum is real. You are at your baby’s beck and call. You feel like a milk machine. You haven’t slept. You stink. You’re madly in love with your baby and worried about every little thing that could possibly happen to him. But, remember. Your husband came first. 

Your marriage existed before the marriage, and it will exist after your kids leave the house. This season of parenthood is 18 short years. Marriage is a lifetime. If you lose yourself in parenthood, what will you have left after your kids are gone? If your kids don’t see a happy marriage where mom and dad put each other first, how will they know what to look for in a spouse? And, if you don’t keep your marriage first, your needs and your spouses needs will go unmet and tension will ensue. 

Your marriage must come first. It will look different in this newborn season, but remember, its fleeting. You will soon have an infant, then a toddler, and blink to the first day of kindergarten.  Each season will look different for your marriage, but keeping it first should always be the constant. 

You don’t need date nights and a ton of money to keep the sparks flying in your home. Your marriage can come first even though you just had a baby. Joy can be abundant in your home during the most chaotic season of your life. It’s all about intentionality. 

You can do this mama.