3 Reasons You Can't Get a Moment Away From Your Kids So You Can Work

THIS POST IS FOR YOU IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR KIDS ARE RESISTING INDEPENDENCE! If you feel like your kids won’t “leave you alone,” so you can get stuff done then keep reading, mama.

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By the way, I get it. I’ve been there. I still struggle with this mentality at times. (Notice I said mentality.)⠀

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I want to challenge you with something. Hear me out. ⠀

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I know it’s super hard to work from home or really concentrate on anything with kids around. I know it can feel impossible. But, when we fall victim to the belief that our kids won’t let us do what we need to do, that’s taking a victim mentality in parenthood and allowing our kids to have the control in our homes. ⠀

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I don’t mean this to say that we should “control” our children, but as parents, we set the atmosphere for our kids. We set the boundaries and the guidelines and it’s up to us to train our kids how to follow those guidelines with love, grace, and consistency. ⠀

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If you feel like your children won’t let you do anything, it’s because you are allowing them not to let you do anything. This may feel like a sting, but I promise, its not. This is super common, and most parents don’t realize they are doing it because they don’t realize they have the power to change the situation. Kids are very demanding and stubborn. Anything we teach our children, including independence, takes training. It will not happen overnight. So, don’t feel bad as you’re reading this. You may not really know what’s going on and how to fix it, which is totally normal.

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So, how is this happening? ⠀

1. lack of routine. ⠀

Routines set boundaries. They give kids expectations to follow and provide security and safety. They set kids up for success. (Think about a classroom teacher. If s/he can train their students to sit quietly in a circle for storytime, we can train our kids to play quietly for a specified amount of time while we get something done.)⠀

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2. You set your routine but you lack consistency. ⠀⠀

That same quiet circle? The teacher spends WEEKS consistently training that quiet circle. It doesn’t happen without consistency. If you’re not consistent, you won’t see progress/success. ⠀

3. You’re not giving your children a chance to struggle. ⠀

Oooooh. This is key. Do they need help with something and are demanding you every time they struggle? Are you rushing to them or letting them struggle? Do you wait and see if your baby will go back to sleep or do you rush in at every whimper? If we train our kids that mommy always rushes in, they will never learn to push through difficulty and will believe they always need us. This is a toughie, I know! But so important. This also, this includes babies! It is okay to let your baby struggle and figure some things out on their own. For example, I was giving a client some advice about setting up independent play for their baby so they could work. I told her to put the baby in the pack and play and rotate out some toys every time. Her immediate response was that he doesn’t like the pack and play. What does this tell me? That she rushes in and takes him out as soon as he fusses. I get it, it’s hard to hear our babies fuss. But, when we swoop in, we aren’t giving them a chance to realize that they are okay. Chances are, the baby is fine in the pack and play, but is just expressing his frustration that you are walking away. He wants you to come back, of course. But, if you give it 5-7 min, he will realize that you’re not coming back and look down and see that he has some toys to play with. And, he will play. And he will realize that he is okay. And, when you return, he will learn that mommy always comes back while also learning that he can also entertain himself.

We must give our kids a chance to struggle if we want them to be independent. It’s human nature to not what to work through something and really figure it out. Even as adults, we do it. We figure out how we can get help as quickly as possible when we experience discomfort. And, don’t get me wrong, receiving help is a good thing. Helping our kids is a good thing. But, it’s also important to teach independent problem-solving skills. its a both-and. Will you have to step in sometimes and still help? Absolutely. But, the more you teach your kids to work it out themselves first, the more they will learn to do so as their first instinct.

(Okay, that was a bit of a tangent, but that’s a huge one!)

These may be a few of the reasons you are experiencing such difficulty getting things done with your kids at home during the COVID quarantine (or any other time for that matter.) Do any of these problems resonate with you?⠀

P.S. If you’re totally struggling with your new roles as work-from-home-mom during COVID-19, I’ve got the best resource for you. I created this guide to help you thrive at home during quarantine and beyond. You will find all the planning pages you need to create a rhythm for your day that actually works so you can get things done without spinning in circles. The best news? It’s totally free.

Need that link again? Click here.